The mother wound exists in both men and women but in men it is far more insidious. Firstly, because it mainly goes undetected and secondly because of the wider impact it has on others in that it is most often expressed in some form of misogyny even if it is only on a level of expecting their partner to serve and meet their needs as a pseudo-mother under the guise of love.
Where societies of old provided boys with the initiatory experience of graduating into manhood through a time of physical trials, to help cross a psychological bridge from the relative comforts of childhood into the rigours of adulthood; in modern society there are few official rites, few wise elders and a dearth of male role models outside the toxic status quo. Boys are lured into an artificial manhood by a patriarchy which socialises the boy into the world of men by devaluing women and femininity and thereby, cutting a man off from his emotions, vulnerability and expressing affection.
Men are left longing to remain a mother’s son, to possess a woman purely for himself and society has sentimentalised and romanticised these infantile needs as “love”. As a result, both men and women remain blind to the man’s attachments and needs as the symptoms of childhood trauma. Furthermore, many men fear that, in becoming whole human beings, women will cease to mother them, to provide the breast, the lullaby, the continuous attention associated by the infant with the mother.
The attached video offers words to both men and women on how to deal with the mother wound in men and forms part of the workshops I offer in healing this important, damaging, legacy of modern society.